I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
