I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
