I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
