I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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