Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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