I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
