i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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