Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
