yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
