By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
