i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
