Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
