hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize