Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize