i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
