i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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