i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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