Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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