After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
