So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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