this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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