First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
