already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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