home. puking in laundry basket.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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