Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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