those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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