Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
