I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
