gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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