No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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