he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
