I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
