he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
