How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
