Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
