dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
