; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
how can u be prego again
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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