so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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