you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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