you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
