I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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