well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
