I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
