I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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