How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
These tits shall not be calmed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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