just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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