Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
