im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
