This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize