i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
