I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
