Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
