so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
