Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
