Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
