a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
