We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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