so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
where am i from again
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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