She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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