her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
