dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
