I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize