drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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