I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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