do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
