Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
