suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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