There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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