I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
