i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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