Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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