Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
