Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You can't special order awesome
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
