Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
