Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
