He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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